A Testimonial of a Life-Changing Weekend
I have come a long way in this mental illness journey. I can also be very set in my ways and unwilling to change in certain parts of my life. I owe everything to Kim Johnson and her retreat I took May 30th and 31st for the changes that I am working on in my life today. I went into the retreat as one person and came out as someone that could face head-on the problems that were holding me back.
Then Grounds for Clarity and its Thought Founder Kim Johnson found me and interviewed meabout my suicide attempts. As she began to know my story, and as I shared my life beyond my writing. Kim made me challenge: would you invest in yourself to better understand the feeling of the weight of what at my core was causing me to be unhappy? My answer was yes.
I made a financial investment in myself and joined theMaster Your Mind Retreat with Kim Johnson. A Mental Health Skills Lifestyle Coach.
Day One of Two
Heading into day one of a two-day and eight-hour digital retreat split evenly, I was anxious. I knew there were things in my life weighing me down. The feelings that I wanted to express were ones I have never really put out into the world. I knew Kim would challenge me. I needed the challenge.
What do you want?
That question would bring an avalanche of triggers and emotions. Was I ready? The first things that came to mind were the following: I want happiness in all aspects of my life, figure out why I keep people at a distance in my life, and most of all, why do I shy away from relationships and human intimacy? These are struggles that have always eluded me.
After we talked about what we wanted out of the retreat, Kim spoke about an essential part of the weekend that we needed to face. Our inner voice–The Gremlin. what it was was keeping us from the success and satisfaction in our lives. My inner voice has always been loud because I keep people at a distance so that it makes it easy to rationalize why I am, for the most part, going through life on my own. I spend my day alone. I work online, alone. Grad school is online, and I do it alone. My mental health advocacy online, alone. I even do my shopping online, alone. Isolation for me was not only during COVID-19.
The most significant glaring part of my inner voice was the separation of James, the writer, and David the human being. Kim and my fellow retreat members helped me realize that I was using James as a wall to keep people out of David’s life. (I separated my writing life as James from David because it made me a better writer.) I was in awe at the end of the day, one that I was beginning to feel less invisible. It was only day one, and I was already blown away at the challenges Kim was asking me to make.
The most emotional core feeling was that I was not enough. Not enough to be happy. I was not enough to be with someone that loved me. That we only get one chance at true love and that I had been there, and did that once. It was holding me back. Every relationship since my life I compare to this unicorn idea. I felt that I was not worth anyone’s time at a level that allows people into my life. I needed to be alone.
What I was learning is that there are no right or wrong answers. Kim is not there to fix me because I have to make the changes. I was broken but that means that those core feelings could be changed.
She is the catalyst that makes you think and challenges the regrets, the guilt, the denial, and what the inner voice is telling you. On day two, I knew I wanted to focus on one thing. What happened in the past made it okay for me to go through life alone and be unhappy as David. That was the challenge, finally letting David into the fold.
What is great about Kim’s retreat is that she is part of it, not just as a Mental Health Skills Lifestyle Coach but as a participant. She has all the training at her disposal and it allows her to be a part of the healing process. That was what day two was for me, a chance to begin to heal. I decided to take the challenge: what my running away from happiness was costing me? I opened up in this retreat for the first time about a relationship early on that has defined the reason I feel that being alone is preferable to letting someone into my life.
I cried because I have held this in for so long. I had to face that I was okay with being alone. It hurt to admit that I wanted someone in my life. Friendships beyond the few that make it into the inner circle. The pain of opening up to others outside the retreat that I am not okay with being alone. I read once in a book that “pain demands to be felt,” At that moment, the pain was demanding that I let it into my life because that is where you can decide to make a change. If you never feel, how can you heal?
The retreat members helped me understand the feelings I had shoved deep into a box marked “never open.” The homework before was answering questions that led to my Energy Leadership Report. I learned with my results that I don’t deal with stress well. I learned that I am better than I treat myself most days. I can help others, but my own self-care is left to the wayside. I learned that I am worthy of making changes that are important to me. I became a better human being than when I started the retreat.
The Purpose Statement
I will make a commitment to let go of the things I think I need to control using my writing, to accomplish traveling more, and, in doing so, achieve to begin letting people into David’s life.
Final Thoughts on the Retreat
If you want to stop the feeling of being a burden, alone, quit living with regret, feeling weak in your life, or what is keeping you from being truly happy. Kim’s Master Your Mind Retreat is the place you need to be. It was for me. I don’t often promote something unless it’s important to me because that is how The Bipolar Writer Blog was founded.
When I say that when you invest in yourself with Kim, it is for life because that is how she runs her business. This testimonial is my heart and soul pouring out to those like me that are struggling with something that is keeping you from being happy. You have the right to feel better than you are at this moment and time. I invite you to reach out to Kim to spark this necessary conversation and to begin the inner work.
Always Keep Fighting
The only way I can see writing this is by telling the story of how we met.
We met quite randomly. She had posted on a FB group that we both belonged to. It said something to the effect of, “I’m looking for cool people to hang out with.” Don’t quote me on this but it went something like that. And me being who I am and having nothing else going that afternoon, I thought what the hell, let’s go hang out. No expectations, no motives, nothing other than to spend a couple hours maybe 30 mins with this woman. If it sucked, I was on my bike. It was a nice day; I could bounce and go for a ride.
Well, as it turns out the universe placed in front of me a woman of extraordinary ability. Someone that I could effortlessly talk to. No, that’s not the ability of which I speak. So, we talked for what felt like the briefest of moments but was, in actuality, the better part of the afternoon. I got lucky the universe and the fates smiled on me, and here is this woman who challenged me and what I said and validated me at the same time, was dropped in my path.
Be careful of what you ask for, you never know who might be listening.
Now I count her as one of my closest and truest companions in this world and my life is richer and because of her presence in it.
At the time of our meeting and continuing to now I am undergoing a profound shift in my life. I will spare you all the gory details but suffice it to say, there’s been some shit in the last few years and I have discovered that my old models, methods and means no longer serve me as they had in the past.
I am a different person now.
To steal a quote from Sue Monk Kidd’s Traveling with Pomegranates and whom she took it from for her book escapes me,
“Another I is beginning.”
Kim has and is continuing as a friend I hold most dear to me, to support my metamorphosis, through her insight, love and friendship, and wisdom, my beginning.
In her caring, forthright and truthsome manner; bold in her resolute quest to find the best and bring that out in everyone she meets, she continues to bring and shine a light in this world. Or at least to my corner of it.
I am fortunate to call her friend and more so to have her call me that as well.
A seeker in this life.
For a very long time, I have continued to live a life where I simply just exist. I have had dreams that have been broken, hopes that have been shattered, repeatedly.. it is as though in this World, you are not allowed to have hopes, dreams or live in it.
All we are opted to do is to survive, if not, exist and wait for your death to come by. But why wait, whats the worth of living a life so empty, so worthless. There isn’t anything to live for..
I have tried time and again to get to my dreams, to hold onto my hopes, to act on them, to have all the will it takes that could turn them into something real, and the World, has made sure, time and again, that I fail.
I was at my breaking point, none of the positive content that I see online would help, people I talk to could barely understand me as they would straight, head on put up a wall to prevent me from ending my life. There was nothing to live for and no one to really witness, just, one person, who could understand what i’m going through. No one to talk to.
I became numb, silent and sort of on a paralysed mode, unwilling to open up anymore and allowing all of myself to be consumed by thoughts, emotions and dreams of suicide as they are what would give me peace, nothing else.
That is until, I came across Grounds for Clarity, I came across Kim. And the content she had on, the messages she would share, talk about, spoke to me at a very deep level.
And when I began my journey with Kim, connecting with her even more, I have felt a transformation, with each passing day.. a huge transformation, an awakening..
That life, really is worth living for, that i matter, and I have value, and I can live up to my dreams, and there shouldnt be anything stopping me, no drawbacks, no setbacks, just an unlimited me ready to take on the World.
I have never felt motivated, uplifted, happier with myself before than I have today. I am currently working towards achieving my dreams, living my life, prepared to take on any challenges and obstacles head on.
I feel equiped, mentally, emotionally and its all thanks to Grounds for Clarity. I would highly recommend anyone who feels depressed, suicidal or simply needs someone to talk to connect with Kim.
Cezane, Founder of Humanity Lives On.
“Kim no words can express how grateful I am with you
All I can say is thank you for being the beautiful person you are and be willing to help out people.”
November 15th, 2019
In 2018, if I was told I’d be on my own in a place far from captivity where I wasn’t drowning in sorrow and anxiety, I’d laugh. I couldn’t see myself in a place other than the one I was in. And to be completely honest, I didn’t even see myself as being alive. I’d completely planned on ending my life that year. That was, until I met Kim.
She showed me how to overcome my fears and face them head on. She was patient and kind and I am more than grateful for our relationship. If it wasn’t for her guidance, I wouldn’t be where I am right now — I would not be living in my own apartment, happy with a lover of my own. I would not be enjoying life to the fullest. She helped me to escape a very hard, very dangerous life and I am eternally grateful.
October 9th, 2019
Meeting Kim has truly changed my life. She’s been a truly neutral support to me since the day we met in the December of 2017, slowly shaping me into the person I am now. Back then I felt so confused by my feelings, having barely any experience with mental health issues prior, and having little to no idea about my sexuality. She built me a supportive environment with her, making herself my safe space where I can freely be myself. She let me talk about whatever I wanted, helped me identify what I was going through, and she offered her unconditional support to me on whatever I decide to do moving forward. To me, that’s what made the greatest difference. I felt so very empowered and validated by her.
My interactions with her help me get better at dealing with my anxiety and depression and keep them at more manageable levels. She, with her educated points of view, helps in putting my problems under different lights so I can see more ways of dealing with them. She continues to educate me on the finer points of mental health, which I often rely on to offer myself better care and compassion, with her guidance. Though we might have our disagreements, and sometimes differ on very fundamental things regarding our world views, we both know that we come from a point of love and care for each other, which helps me immensely in my personal growth.
This eventually led to us growing closer and I’ve felt from her a love I’ve never felt before. We refer to each other as mom and daughter now, because we are so close that we could easily be a mom-daughter to one another. She’s also my best friend, and the one person I feel the closest to. I highly doubt any of those titles can ever be claimed by any other.Overall, through my relationship with her I’ve gained a mom, a best friend, and a huge leap in personal growth. I’m nowhere near the “me” I was when I met her back then, and I owe this to her. Through her thoroughly unconditional love and support I am able to be a stronger person, knowing that I always have her to fall back on, and she will love me regardless. It is her that pulled me through my suicidal times. I can say without doubt that if it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be here writing this.
With all that you have done for me, I can only hope that I mean a fraction to you of what you means to me. Thank you for making me a better person and thank you for being a positive driving force in my life. I feel extremely lucky to have met you.
June 12th, 2019
Are you ready to own your life? My gift is to catalyze that small voice telling you that there is more to life out there. Discover the process here.
I recently experienced my first time coaching. I wasn’t too sure what to expect and how Kim was going to be. Meeting her was great. I was able to share what was dwelling in and out of my mind for some time. At first I thought that I didn’t need coaching until she had helped me dig up a couple of things.
I was quite low in energy for quite some time. I thought it may have been my routine, diet, or lifestyle. It turns out that it was a couple of recent past experiences that I thought had passed through. It was past experiences that were still sapping away at my energy. Kim helped me reacquaint myself with those experiences which was very unpleasant. Even though it was unpleasant, I was able to find a solution, take another perspective, and properly grieve.
It would have taken me a lot longer to figure it out if I hadn’t went to Kim. It feels great to be able to pursue my dreams and goals with a lot less weight off my mind.
To have found clarity and an ability to shift focus on to my desires and see life as a challenge and a joy, and not as something to be escaped from is now what my life is about. And it was KP [Kim Possible] who got me thinking about how I could engage with this simple and profound way of thinking. For me to be able to process and accept that I am right where I’m supposed to be is a wonderful and profound recognition. And this shifting of my perspective allowed me to bring forth new, and exciting ideas to apply to my daily life and the world around me, to grow through self discovery. Thank you KP for helping me elicit new responses in my thoughts, beliefs, and general mindset.
You are that much closer to the life that you want. Ready to break out of your suspended state? Itching to break out of your patterns of living life like it is a spectator sport? Contact Kim Johnson.
“I came to Kim because I needed some clarity for my own relationship problem. I was not in a very good place after finding out that I had developed some strong feelings for my friend. I felt stuck after being friend zoned and my feelings weren’t going away. I called Kim and asked her to coach me on my relationship problem because I would really like to move forward in this aspect of my life.
I felt I was heard after talking to Kim. She’s very caring and she provided a safe space for me to unpack some of my heavy emotions. She’s very supportive on helping me gaining clarity to see what was keeping me from moving forward. She helped me gain a different perspective on my relationship and also helped me realize things that are important to me.”
Founder at Elevate Life Coaching
Coach Kim is one of the best coaches today, in helping people with emotional management.
She helps you see the endless possibilities for your life. Quite simply, Kim helps her clients get results.
What impresses me the most about Coach Kim is she helps others live a successful & fulfilling lifestyle. There are a lot of people that are successful but not fulfilled.
If you have the privilege to be coached by Coach Kim, she will change your life! Don’t think about it, take action right now because you’re going to work with an expert.
Author, Transformation Coach, Motivational Speaker, Trainer
You’ve got this.