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The more we think we know, the more we begin to realize we don’t. The stronger our ego, there is a stronger likelihood we will react out of defense, anger, sadness and take things personally. The thing is, when someone has a […]
The more we think we know, the more we begin to realize we don’t.
The stronger our ego, there is a stronger likelihood we will react out of defense, anger, sadness and take things personally. The thing is, when someone has a strong ego, their blinders are up: they are not seeing the big picture.
We avoid seeing the bigger picture because we hang on for dear life to our previous thoughts, beliefs, assumptions and interpretations, generalizations of how to world works. Brain science authenticates we spend a majority of our time recycling preconceived notions. It is no wonder the world becomes stuck or suffering ensues…because we are resistant to looking at things another way.
There is a character in a book in my favorite book series. The series has changed my life and the insight I glean from the characters within its pages never ceases to amaze me and incite change in my own way I look at life. Sometimes my blinders are challenged.
More or less, the supporting character is whom the main character turns to in her greatest time of tunnel vision. In this particular visit, the supporting character instructs her pupil, if you will, that she is pushing too hard to find answers. When in fact, if she let up a little bit, she would notice something there she hadn’t noticed.
He uses a tactile example. There is a breeze of wind and it is blowing a curtain inwards, he instructs her to hold the curtain in her hand and proceeds to ask her if she can feel the pattern. He is blind.
She says that there is no pattern. To which he responded that she was pressing too hard. And as a matter of fact, once she released from pressing hard on the fabric, she felt the patterns. To amplify the pattern across her finger pads, she closed her eyes.
Universal wisdom is there if you are open to its wisdoms. If you aren’t open to it, then let go from trying to look so hard and learn to let go of your ego.
Not sure how?
Here is where the complaints, the accusations, placing the blame, and staying stuck, can be looked at in a completely new way, as it is you that has all the answers, not the world, for what is most in alignment for you.
Thank you for pursuing what it is you believe is best for you. Lead intuitively led lives.
Grounds For Clarity
Growing up in my household, I quickly learned which emotions elicited which responses. I learned emotional manipulation. One particular emotion that always got me trouble was my anger. My anger was seen as a form of insubordination, seen as un-cute, unfounded and […]
Growing up in my household, I quickly learned which emotions elicited which responses. I learned emotional manipulation. One particular emotion that always got me trouble was my anger. My anger was seen as a form of insubordination, seen as un-cute, unfounded and unnecessary. When I revealed even a speck of anger whether it was through shedding tears, screaming, I was spanked, banished to my room, told to be quiet or told to leave the house if I didn’t like it. I did not see this kind of interaction at my friends’ houses. Even as the years went on, I saw no others going through what I did.
As I graduated from college, learned about gaslighting and that I was supposed to be competent now, holding down jobs, using my education and taking care of myself. It took all I had to wonder if there were others out there like me that experienced emotional quandary. One of the major triggers for me was, “You are overreacting.”
I started to experience more crying spells, even during work, in my home, in conversations with my parents and them pretty much not recollecting nor feeling they inflicted much damage with their methods.
My parents worked to put a roof over my head, and food on the table. My emotional quandary really wasn’t that much of a priority now.
Here I am sharing this all with you to tell you that before becoming aware of my anger, that it dawned on me how it was actually keeping me back from pursuing things in a way that encompassed everyone.
I wonder what must that feel like, to feel trapped in our own toxic feelings..?
…that I have ever felt in my life, is finally feeling understood. The feeling is something I just…have burned into my heart. I have felt it enough times to count on both of my hands. I never know when I am going […]
…that I have ever felt in my life, is finally feeling understood. The feeling is something I just…have burned into my heart. I have felt it enough times to count on both of my hands. I never know when I am going to get it again. I appreciate it all the more when the feeling fades. Meeting a kindred soul…and sometimes, I am the person that brings that relief, at the front cortex of the brain. When I feel understood, I feel this pressure release from the front part of my brain and it is enough to bring me to feel so moved, that my heart races, I feel elated and just for those moments, as brief as they feel, I have not a care in the world. I want others to experience this feeling, no matter what.
Within the past 24 hours, probably pushing close to 36 hours now…I have read and even been delivered this phrase, “Life is short,” 4 times..well, maybe 5 or 6 times. The thing is, when I expressed my frustrations with this phrase, I expressed that this falls so short. Why must negative, down and chaotic feelings be downplayed as less valuable in, “times like this?” That is incredibly judgmental and seeing in such black and white perceptions. It just falls short. Saying, “Life is short,” really falls short of so much and misses so many of our hearts. Let me speak for myself: Cupid’s arrow does not land for me on this one. Romanticizing life is not the solution to pain.
What would be great is if we could replicate that feeling I described in the first paragraph…those feelings of not having a care in the world — we aren’t entertaining any thoughts, in fact. Even good ones. We just…are. All of us want the same thing. We don’t want to be told, “Life is short.” We want solutions. We want to feel better. We want and crave, and in fact, pine for that relief from the pain bears upon us in this mortal coil.
Trigger warning: I will be speaking of suicide, speaking of death. If you are easily offended, I encourage you to keep an open mind for the sake of all of humanity and for the health of you and those around you.
If you are feeling chained to this world, you maybe are feeling you are as good as dead. People, the world really, gives you this message that you are better having a pulse and feeling dead inside rather than gone and not in pain anymore. I say this not to condone suicide, rather. Please, bear with me here. Let me frame this in terms of working the Noc shift of the Suicide Crisis hotline. Alone. Working alone “forced” me rapidly to realize my attitudes got in my way of being able to connect with how my people were feeling.
I received calls from my people and all expressed loss of some kind — loss of identity associated with losing a job, a loved one, their home, having fake friends. All of these people shared with me they were coping with their pain in some way — talking about death, feeling hopeless, helpless, researching a means to suicide, taking more pills, drinking more alcohol, turning to self-harm, mapping out in their brain where the nearest bridges were. Basically they told me that they wanted the pain to stop…somehow. Up to that point, all my people whom had called me shared that they felt they had no one to turn to, evidence to the fact that anytime they tried to show they were struggling, their things going on in their life were brushed off, ignored or silenced, not taken seriously, by any friends, family, physicians, ER, or even by other crisis support services. Just more pain was what they felt and they couldn’t take it anymore. They told me they couldn’t take it anymore. What gets us to this point? Of not being able to support one another in a crisis?
Of course we struggle to empathize and sympathize with one another, to reach for compassion because society teaches us to marginalize one anothers pain. Of course we brush one another’s problems off and downplay our peoples’ pain because society has taught us to be “grateful” that we don’t have it worse. Of course, we struggle to be compassionate toward one another because society teaches us we ought to suck it up and handle our shit we “signed up” for it. The truth is, comparing our experiences to one another not only isn’t a solution to the pain, it adds to our current pain and only teaches us how to invalidate it. The next step is realizing that pain is not just a “phase.” Pain is an experience that is a very valid part of life. There is more to our pain than a pulse. Listen. Wanting the pain to all go away — considering suicide to end it all…Listen: suicide thoughts are real and suicide thoughts are serious. And everything you have felt up to this point and moving forward is completely normal.
In fact, many people probably would feel the same way if they were in your shoes. Pain doesn’t discriminate nor does it magically disappear — no matter your country of origin, no matter your circumstances, no matter your religious beliefs, traumas endured or not, people you’ve slept with, how much money you’ve made, whether you have started a family or not, or even what accomplishments you have to show for yourself. Pain speaks beyond a lot of what our human dialects fail to comprehend or articulate. Our own native tongues cannot even clarify just how much pain we endure over our lifetime or even a second of it.
Grounds For Clarity hears the ultimate expression of ending the pain, that speaks through all language barriers, is suicide. Suicide is a part of being human. All of our lives at some point are touched by suicide.
I see close to 100% of speakings, writings, shows, movies, even people we turn to to help us feel better in our own skins, narrate our experience with suicide from a third person point of view — they see our human but they fail to see us. How does that feel? To be recognized simply as a pulse? And yes, I am appealing to your pathos.
Imagine — what would it feel like for each of us if we each had at least one person in our lives that was tuned into our pain?
We would feel that sense of liberty inside, that feeling of elation, of not having a care in the world, not worried or judging ourselves, doubting ourselves for not doing enough for loved ones, meeting our jobs expectations, failing in school…nothing would matter, in the best of ways. We feel completely understood. What might it feel like to be excited to live another day rather than dread it? What would it feel like to know that we could just set out in the world and experience what we can without needing to make sense of every little thing in our lives or to compare to another what we can or cannot do? This sense of conditional existence is what breeds suicide. The feeling of elation? That is the feeling of what living an unconditional existence is like.
We can be alive and just be free to be our truest expression of our inner selves without needing to get that job, without needing to start a family, without getting an education, without losing that weight, without needing to always be positive, without needing to change to make others feeling more comfortable, without needing to get that car, to make that money, to get those things, to then retire, and travel and so on and so forth.
We all brush one another off not because we don’t “vibe” but because we aren’t open to believing we each deserve the benefit of the doubt for ourselves, to live unconditionally again. We are battered, bruised, old, been stabbed in the back too many times and what the fuck is the point anymore?? NO!!
When has lying ever helped anyone? It hasn’t, really. Not in the long run. Not really.
Of course, we don’t want to put in the work because we are afraid of being disappointed and let down.
Of course, we are afraid of trying to open up again to be ourselves, because the last 99x we got hurt.
The truth is, we will not be able to have access to elation or no cares in the world unless we start to do life afraid anyway.
The truth is, until we tap into our self-healing powers, we cannot begin to even see the light at the end of the tunnel, what is an unconditional existence; an existence apart from this world without actually needing to leave it.
Now what will you do to reclaim your unconditional existence?
What are the core values to thriving into an unconditional existence?
To be challenged
To feel beyond our pulse
To believe in the immaterial
How do we activate a lifestyle of unconditional existence?
By revitalizing and tapping into our self-healing powers.
What are our self-healing powers?
Once we have tapped into our self-healing powers, how do we continue to be in alignment with our core values?
We figure out our engagement style in life and the five ways in which to respond to our choice of life engagement style.
What are our choices of engagement styles in life?
What are the five ways in which to respond for any of the above engagement styles in life?
Change the situation
Leave the situation
Wait for the situation to change
Accept the situation
What about when life gets complex?
In fact, the deeper question is when was it ever simple?
You, reading this right now, are important to me and I want you to feel a life of elation, of no care in the world and to feel that you are completely understood.
Of course, this may all be intimidating, overwhelming and what a relief that it is possible to have life on Earth.
Truth is, this unconditional existence and way of thriving takes conscious effort to access and maintain and doing so requires you to want to believe this is for you.
What will you do now?
“Your spiritual IQ, your religious denomination, your experience means nothing if you continue to allow your human to get in your way of thriving into an unconditional existence.”
You need a teacher that believes in you and is an expert at pinpointing what your engagement style in life is and your thought patterns to boot. Your value system may be what you say it is, living up to it is a whole other part of what is going on in your life.
This is where Grounds For Clarity comes in. We provide culturally sensitive, compassionate and intuitive coaching, all the while providing suicide (pain) crisis support for you as we peel the layers back, address, acknowledge and make peace with your pain that is all holding you back from thriving into an unconditional existence.
Who do you know that you can trust to get you back on track to thriving into an unconditional existence?
Today, Grounds For Clarity’s video will be a little bit different. Remember the guest, Cassie Eads, I spoke of a few days ago? How that post was postponed due to technical difficulties? Well, we figured it out! Because everything is figureoutable My […]
Today, Grounds For Clarity’s video will be a little bit different.
Remember the guest, Cassie Eads, I spoke of a few days ago? How that post was postponed due to technical difficulties? Well, we figured it out! Because everything is figureoutable
My wonderings about if there are other people out there in the world that aren’t sure how to breach the discussion of suicide, want to speak openly and share their story and experience with suicide, were heard. i found another that has broken their silence and is taking steps to create a safer worldwide community in which the discussion of suicide can be spoken about directly even in a society conditioning us to be afraid to speak its name.
Indeed, there are others out there in the world curious and willing to speak about why suicide rates are higher than they have been than in the past 50 years.
As serendipity would have it, the Universe has brought Cassie Eads and I together, kindred spirits wanting to share with you our unpacking difficult conversations and exploring what we all can bring to the table in dismantling stigma and taboo around suicide.
As promised, here are links to all of Cassie Ead’s content and the formal offerings she gives as not only a Suicide mental health advocate, but also as a Life Mastery consultant and coach.Tune into our video premiere of our collaborative video at 3:00 p.m., Pacific Standard Time today, Friday March 27th, 2020 as Cassie Moskos Eads shares her experience with suicide and what she learned from it.
Facebook search or click here: Listen Within To Win
Facebook search or click here: “A Suicidal Son” SUPPORT THIS BOOK CAMPAIGN-TOGETHER WE CAN CHANGE! (Stay tuned for the extra link to follow this post).
Stay tuned for the transcription for those of you that may have had some challenges hearing the audio or those hearing impaired or are learning English.