Part of my journey I felt like sharing taken from our Grounds For Clarity FB page:

 

Friday, March 13th, 2020 (post 1)

Even in your most tough and emotionally charged moments in your life, remind yourself you are greater than the pain and the pain is your stepping stone to embracing your most REAL YOU. Speak LOVE and TRUTH to yourself and know that your role is not to own your truth, it is to be your truth.

I give you courage and strength to be your most REAL you, no matter what it takes, no matter what anyone else thinks or says and no matter how significant your pain is. It is okay to not feel okay. I believe in you.

You’ve got this.
🔥🔥

 

(Post 2)

Practice patience to yourself, embrace the pains, embrace that things are unclear, let your heart do some of the heavy lifting so your mind can rest.

Some of the things over this past year are coming full circle for me and I have my moments where I struggle within myself to be clear about every little thing. My struggle is temporary because suffering makes us all weary. Soulfully weary. My soul retires from suffering on a cyclical basis. What about yours?

🌹

It is time to come full-circle for you — What if things didn’t have to make sense all the time?

🌹

Give yourself the liberty and permission to evolve, graduate your heart to 1st place to slow down…drop into the gratitudes and practice some long-needed grace. Quiet the thoughts by tuning in, dropping off and unplugging the mind for a time for the mind cannot make sense of all matters of the heart.

Here is a tidbit I felt pulled to add: when we are at the beck and call of our thoughts, feelings, beliefs and assumptions, we are consenting to becoming lesser. There are certain disadvantages as well as advantages to feeling lesser yet we will struggle and our pain becomes suffering and everything seems in vain the longer we stay in the lesser.

Have hope. We can self-realize our pain without turning to anyone outside of ourselves. Instead, we would be healing ourselves by looking within to our inner teacher and our own unique higher power for our unique translations of our pain. You will continue to become discouraged seeking answers and relying on gaining solace and inner peace from outside you — it is called inner peace for a reason.

 

—–   END Post    ——

 

 

 

Everyone has a relationship with suicide whether we agree to that fact or not, it is true. Here is my relationship with it and still going, an ongoing, living and breathing, memoir.

Memoir here that follows is unedited and the post halts where it did because it felt right to stop there. Writing started Tuesday, March 3, 2020

I was 27 years old, worked 7 days a week holding down real jobs, lived with family I tolerated and whom tolerated me, my friendships were all stale, exhausting, confusing. I couldn’t tell you what my hobbies were or my favorite music or what I enjoyed even if you wrote a cheat sheet for me with the answers on it. Joy, fun, excitement, pleasure all seemed fleeting and a waste of time and money to me. And I hurt in every way: my shoulder had ghost pains, my hip hurt, my knees cracked, my palms hurt and in addition to all of that I felt disconnected from my mind, my heart survived off of highs I got from,  “fixing peoples’ problems,” when they got relief and an, “ah-ha!” moment, I could briefly ignore and forget just how absolutely angry, depressed and empty I felt every single day.

It was around the Summer of 2017 that I could no longer deny it. I was ready to come out, not just in terms of my sexuality goes, but also in saying to myself: no more hiding my pain, anger, frustrations. I was feeling so lost and further discouraged when I would make my attempts to vent, open up, share, try and be there for myself and others in ways YouTube searches, Wikihows and other Google searches told me were best: “Look to others for inspiration,” “Watch movies, listen to books of others’ struggles,” “Eat clean, cook from scratch,” “Exercise a minimum of 30 minutes a day,” “spend time with people that care about you,” and all that bullshit came out of my mouth when people asked me how I found time to do things for me. What bullshit. I fucking felt like I was doing everything, was in good shape, got my endorphins, serotonin levels up, cooked EVERYTHING from scratch and busted my ass for what seemed to me at the time an ungodly amount of companies; I worked for over 10 different business both off and on the books (2013-present). I made good $$$ at my second post-undergrad job which granted me excellent benefits and the, “opportunity to move up,” i.e. the carrot, was there so long as I was willing and interested in working up the corporate ladders with hard work. I behaved, “crossed my T’s, dotted my I’s,” handled and did my daily adult shit and still felt awful. I had everything I needed and more; how dare I complain. I would say I finally came to grips with my reality: I felt completely alone. I believed I was alone.

Summer of 2017
I sat down at a creek where my company illegally dumped an array of chemicals used to treat plants at our nursery on site, feeling completely fucking alone. I ate my lunch alone. I felt alone. At the time, all of my friends, family, time away from all of that even during my, “self-care,” all felt like a giant joke and absolute confusion. I thought, well, my co-worker said, “Amazon is hiring and they pay well from what my friend says that works there.” I scoffed and said I could ever be confined to four walls working for that place….I applied to work there within a month. Now, instead of working outside under the scorching sun and working 10 hour days, five days a week, I was now working 10 hour days, five days a week and weekends at Amazon. I learned how to inhale cardboard dust, to get dehydrated in less than 5 minutes and how to lose my hearing all at the same time. Amazon really pounded my hopes for something better straight into the ground for the lionshare time of the year I clocked in there. After several meltdowns at work and navigating away from my co-workers, I looked over the sea of workers, from my cubby hole where I worked, and questioned that there must be more to life? Busting my ass, to move shit, so others could move shit so some person somewhere I will never meet will be able to consume something they more than likely do not need, to make money for a company without taking into account how environmentally damaging it is to the planet? I just…I realized my worth and value and that I actually was not being forced to stay. I stayed because it was the highest paid, entry-level, EASY work in all neighboring counties. Toward the end, I was making $15/ hour. I forever thank Amazon for giving me the space to prioritize my values and to convince me to never do business with you so long as I can help it. You also gave me the space to realize that I always had a choice to stay and I always had a choice to leave. Thank you and Fuck You.

I was at wits end, without a clue what to do and yet for the 1st time in my life, I felt some self-respect. I actually, for once, decided I wanted to build my own life, my way, on my terms, in my time, that felt right for me. I felt like it finally made sense why I felt so alone…I always put everyone else first and also, it was a perfect set-up to blame everyone and everything for why I was in my mess of a life; it wasn’t my responsibility. Then…I started to realize…Oh shit…I have a choice. Again…thank you and Amazon and Fuck You. I never allowed myself until up to that point at my anger management training (code for my self-inflicted imprisonment at Amazon), I had never really thought about how I felt about things, I just passively went by and thought that feeling miserable was a part of life that I had to embrace, after all, most people do that, right? I realized that I was always busy worrying about someone or something else that I could never nor should I EVER concern myself with myself. How selfish and narrow-minded could I be?

2016
I started saying no and yes even though I knew before I decided what to say that 99.99% of the time, my reaction and knee-jerk response would be guilt. If I ever even concerned myself with myself, I would feel guilt. Self-sacrifice was the bread and butter of my cultural upbringing. Who did I think I was, denying friends and family my time? Who did I think I was for having pipe dreams to leave my 9-5? Who did I think I was to turn my back on my honest, hard-working parents that worked their same 9-5 jobs in their same companies for the duration of my life? There was only this conclusion: I was an ungrateful, delinquent, foolish, selfish and loser daughter of a hard-working immigrant mother and well-behaved, honest dollar-earning father, a disappointment of a big sister of a brother that makes more money than I, a holder of a college degree, and a depressed, too-sad or overly-emotional, needy and failure of a friend, that’s who I was. I was never good enough. I disappointed everyone, tried hard to take care of myself, being told by a friend that all I cared about was myself, being viewed as disobedient with quiet eyes of some of my family, and all the while learning how to build crappy boundaries…more like useless boundaries because I NEVER from a place of self-respect, enforce them. I enforced my boundaries out of fear…My world held no flavor. I felt like I lost everything, over and over, and over again. I didn’t know what to do anymore.

2013-present
I was told to my face, over the years, that I disappointed my friends, I was ungrateful to my family, told to get a real job, told I am too sad to be around, told I would talk a whole lot and about nothing at all, that I was too negative, overly emotional and that I should just get over things and move on, be positive and there is no point to being sad all the time. The list just goes on. I share all this to give you a visual of how I became so drowned out by feelings of dejection, rejection and withdrawing, that I felt trapped. I always felt confused.  I felt numbness and keeping to myself would be the best thing I could do for myself. I would be grateful other people got through their hard times more arduous than mine so I can get over my obstacles. Who was I kidding? I had it so easy and so good.

What a load of bullshit. All of it. This is my memoir I am finally laying to rest and really, truly, my raw expression of my pain and how I used my intuition to build my own, unique process to not only express my pain but to channel it in unique ways symbolic of its personal importance to me. I also share my memoir not to preach to you or to make you feel bad, worse or scared. Know that my intention in sharing this is to show you and share with you what I learned over the years that helped me when I felt repeatedly abandoned by the world and everyone in it. I valued my feelings above all else, thoughout my fear, throughout all the naysayers, gaslighting, bullying among other things. I know that if I had someone like me 7 years ago, I wouldn’t have felt so alone and with little hope in my life.
Even as I type this, I imagine jeers from my family, those close and those far, shaming me for being dramatic. I have learned to embrace those voices and this memoir will show you how to embrace the underpinnings and underlying feelings throughout all of the events in your life that make you feel alone — pain. I am here to give you the safe space and acknowledge that you have a very unique experience and your pain is important to you so much so that sometimes, truth be told, you take it out onto others. Know that I am with you every step of the way to learn how to channel your pain in ways that will not only keep others safe from harm, you will also learn how to keep you from harming yourself.

Taking my first step, to my new life waiting for me just around the corner, meant learning a whole new way to breathe.

My go-to from 2014-18 when I was feeling drowned by the world’s woes in my world, was the watch the Harry Potter movies. I would watch the hell out of it. I remember I bought it with the last fat paycheck I got from working at my most hated job in 2016. It was my way of saying, “Fuck You!” Turns out, that DVD set with Blu-Ray, extras galore, would carry me through some of my worst days. So, this set joined me as I started to learn to breathe differently.

I have no doubt, looking back now, that in my darkest hours, especially in 2014, when I woke up one day and something broke in me, being fully convinced that the world wouldn’t bat an eyelash if I didn’t exist. I grasped that I always had people in my periphery that loved me and cared about me but the thing is my intuition spoke truth to me, “Feeling cared and loved for is different than being shown that you cared and loved for.” My family would not be worse for wear. The ‘S’ word was a word I never heard in my house. We never spoke about mental health let alone suicide. Honestly, we hardly spoke about anything outside of, “What do you want to do this weekend?” “What do you want for breakfast/ lunch/ dinner/ birthday/ Christmas?” or my favorites, “Go clean your room/ get ready for bed/ get up/ your grades are bad.” Thing is, I was so preoccupied with feeling hurt from something I didn’t understand. I struggled to feel loved even though I heard the L word and still, I struggled to decant love from backhanded comments from anyone, not just family and friends. I want to share a story with you that dates back to 2013, when I worked my first post-undergrad job as an after-school teacher.

A parent of one the students in the program attempted to give me the reality check of a lifetime. Perhaps, they felt it was better preparing me for my complacent and soon-to-be, dull and lackluster adult life sentence. To this day, I do not know.

I remember clear as day the parent’s facial expressions, their walk, their general vibe and the knots in my stomach from the caution given to me from my supervisor that this parent carried themselves and spoke with conviction and it could come off intimidating. Well, I gave the parent the benefit of the doubt. The irony…

I had less than 100 hours of classroom experience as a teacher for primary grade youth and even less hours of experience speaking and building rapport with parents of students. On this particularly day, it was the time for students to be picked up by their parents and I feel a knot build in my stomach. I see the parent walking over. They approached me and I was feeling confident enough with my two months or so of experience working with parents so I was brave and smiled. After this encounter with this parent, my anxiety remains when faced with the possibility of engaging a student’s parent.

As adults are curious about younger adults’ life trajectory paths, this adult (same person as above aforementioned parent) asked me what I want to do in life. I don’t remember exactly the particulars of what I said, but I do remember saying I wanted to help people. That I didn’t believe any person was inherently bad and that I always liked to give all people the benefit of the doubt. They scrunched up their face, sized me up and this was their response and mine to theirs:

“How old are you?”
“23,” confused why age mattered but didn’t make any comment.
Looking me square in the eyes, resigned and satisfied with my answer yet somewhat sad about hers, “That’s why. Wait til you’re older. That’ll change.”

And something along the lines of that is not how the world works.

That was 7 years ago and I still remember how confused and internally crushed I felt about what had just happened. That is around the time that I began to lose hope in all the adults around me, in any role in my life and I became embittered that I had no one to look up to in my life. I felt no love. I felt no care. I felt no compassion. I felt like my pain was all in my imagination at this point and conversely, it [my pain] felt very serious to me. How come no one could see it? I began withdrawing into myself and insulating my feelings from the world. No one seemed to care about me. Every following conversation of opening up led to fleeting concern followed with a dish best served cold of, “Get over it.” This is when I found myself struggling to breathe differently.

I am recalling one, of too many to count, books I’ve read. It is titled Ciocolat. The main character had a lifestyle they built for them  and their daughter and it was maintained by following intuition. The wind would come and indicate it was time to move. The book in and of itself was a work of fiction. Nevertheless, it reverberated through me, that main character’s being.

When I read it through to the end, I felt a little more normal. I wanted in my life on account of wanting what I wanted for me. I didn’t do it to rebel, I didn’t do it for revenge, I didn’t do it to eschew the American dream and I surely didn’t want change to “prove” myself to anyone. I just hit my breaking point and point of no return realizing my hope and desire to feel connected to life, was something I wanted to re-discover for myself. I felt like the main character: it was time for me to go with the wind of change.

2017-2018
is when a question popped into my head out of nowhere…up to that point, I learned I didn’t need to be attached to people or labels. I realized I honored most labels, people and society because I was taught that that is what we do to make function smoothly the world’s spinning, so long as we live to similar American paradigms of Life: Be born, work really, really hard, learn stuff, get good at certain stuff, because Big Brother said so…go to college cause it makes you smart to get a “real” job so you can make more $$$ so you can get more credibility so you can get more things so you can eventually get time off to play with things and hope to find time to play with family we are supposed to build…the end, happy story. Death.

No. I already violated this paradigm by not having partners, children or consistent track record of using my college degree.

I digress. Back to the question Universe dropped into my conscience.

?How much of what you do, of what you own, of what you consume and how you travel, is your choice? 

Well, I was coerced into taking driving lessons and getting my first car when I was 15 1/2 years old. I always ate breakfast, lunch, dinner. Had a formal job, did nothing aside from what needed to get done: Eat, Work, Sleep, Make $$, pay bills, learn stuff so I could have multiple sources of income and to have a broader skillset. I was so disconnected and was a sock puppet. No wonder pain was confusing, my pain was actually shedding light on hope.

-Fin-

 

Friday, March 6th, 2020

It wasn’t until within the past two and a half years or so when my guilt was so heavy that I started pushing down the scales in the equal and opposite direction with the dogged belief that things had to be better than this. There must be more to the process of changing my diet, learning about psychology, reading personal development books, and spending time with “loved” ones or volunteering the hell out of what free time I had left to feel good about myself. I just felt like there was something huge missing from the process. I happened to ask my neighbor about steps to take to become a therapist because I didn’t know how else to achieve great feelings unless I was helping other folx with their problems. It was after her brutal honesty and mine, also, when I confessed I hated school. Up to that point and to this day, I haven’t taken a psychology course in my life so it would have been starting from the ground up. She suggested Life coaching. I did my research, found iPEC and finally signed and dated the underscored line and signed up for something completely unexpected. Coaching saved me from myself and it allowed me to embrace what was left of me and those that remained in my life.

I am confident I walked away feeling worse and worse from coaching because it didn’t anything unique. It just was about taking responsibility and owning my attitude. Yippee. My pointing fingers outside of myself was accomplishing nothing for the uncomfortability and silent suffering going on in my life for 6 straight years. So…eventually, I got sick and tired of being told what I could or could not feel.

I got sick and tired of my feelings being treated as invisible, or too sensitive or, overthinking, overreacting, or to just smile more, of being told I was too sad to be around, or that I was a bitch, or to just get over it and move on and my all time favorite: Well, there are people that have it worse off so I have no place to complain. It felt awful for my feelings not to be taken seriously. Then something magical happened: I became upset and took OWNERSHIP of my feelings. They were no longer a separate entity from me…then, something clicked inside me and I started to feel anger in place of sadness. I realized, by doing this, I had just given myself the aknowledgement, validation and affirmation I kept looking for outside of myself to express my pain. I was drowning and suffering in pain because I didn’t realize that what it took was me being intimate with my pain; it was the truest way and that is what changed my life, catalyzed me to provide this tool to others that experienced such hopelessness, anxiety, depression and especially thoughts of suicide. When our pain is suppressed and we are in that place, it always seems that we cannot do anything right and no one cares or has faith in our glimmers of hope. That is changing now as Grounds For Clarity sets out to change the stigma of pain, to overcome the taboo and dully, to dismantle the stigma around suicide and why coaching absolutely IS for those that are in a place trapped in their heads.

 

 

Saturday, February 8th, 2020
Post transferred from Grounds For Clarity Facebook

“‘Why is it frustrating and overwhelming to feel alive sometimes? What pushes us over the edge and makes us feel completely unsafe to consider other options, other change? What brings us to wait so long for things to become different?

I feel overwhelmed just from the giant walls of questions above. The part that is missing is feelings. There is just a cloud of thought up there that makes no sense to me and all the sense in the world.

It is a really awful feeling to go to bed wishing and wanting things to be different and yet knowing full well as soon as you open your eyes that nothing will be different tomorrow. Your shoulders touch your ears. Your breathing is shallow. You feel a tightness in your throat and a heaviness bearing down on your whole body bringing you to wonder how you got here in the first place? It feels like a quick path to self-destruction and a hell of a miserable night’s sleep every single day. But how does your gut know that when you open your eyes tomorrow that nothing will be different and nothing will change? Because your gut knows it will take more than just a new job, better pay, a social life and exercise to feel better.

If you’re feeling constant weight on your shoulders, anxiety, thoughts of seeking a therapist or a counselour, chances are you are struggling with a personal image you hold of yourself that just doesn’t work for you anymore and seeking that validation outside of yourself is just what the dr’ ordered. Of course we believe these things because society has done a good job conditioning us to believe we need to spend “a long time” unpacking our child hood, spend some time pointing fingers at others and to spend some “more time” and say a bunch of sorries to friends, family and co workers to justify our moving on to be a different kind of person that we seem to always be taught we need permission to have before we do it.

But why wait? Truth is, you don’t need to spend “a lot of time” unpacking all of our experiences and to understand every little thing you’ve done to finally give yourself the green light to change. Truth is, all that does is waste a bunch of time. Truth is, it is being honest with yourself and getting validation from yourself that will be the golden ticket to finally getting some shut-eye without your mind racing a million miles a minute wondering bout who you need to talk to, what job will be better, how much more money you need to get before you can get the permission and signs that you NOW can change who you are.

Change now. Stop lying to yourself and stop chasing shit that doesn’t work. I take my clients to the real pits of despair with propane and a single match and give them the gut-check of a lifetime to torch the shit out of their lies, stories, and old rules to finally STOP looking outside of themselves for permission to change who they are. My clients stop dreaming, stop pining, stop complaining and finally look themselves in the eyes in the mirror and take their truest first steps in their lives to be who they want to be. They realize while collaborating with me that they had the hope within them all along to drive them to change their image of themselves.

What are you waiting for? I need you to call me now and tell me why you are done waiting and tell me you are ready to start now.'”

 

 

Saturday, February 8th, 2020

“‘A constant need for external validation is unsatiable.

Where does that social training come in? It is almost human nature to want to prove ourselves to the outside world that we are worthy of some kind of personal change within. It is symbolic and really is a kinesthetic transfer of energy when we take action and do something to mobilize an inner part of us to represent and be symbolic of a tangible change outside of us. We want to share our feelings about this uncomfortable and difficult change with others because we innately know our feelings are important to very fibers of existence of change.

Before changes we make within ourselves, we usually go first to friends and family, then when that runs its course and is no longer enough to convince us our feelings to want to change are validated, we go to caretakers. But…what happens when we become in the habit of relying on the outside world to give us permission to change who we are and the feelings behind what we do? We continue to search for and use that next person, next place or next thing that we can repeat anew a pouring of our hearts out: telling the same stories, desires, dissatisfactions, anxieties, pains and fears to be responded with more questions of which you already ask yourself, “Why change? I want to learn more first before you change,” “Let’s understand every little detail before we move forward.” …doesn’t it get exhausting after a while? Searching for the “right” people to accept you for who you want to be instead of questioning the past or wondering why you want to change in the first place?

And why? Why do we need to understand everything and our entire past and to know every little reason to substantiate and qualify the present change that you want? Is it social conditioning? Are we really that dependent upon others peoples’ two-cents in the change?

My REAL question here is this: if this social conditioning worked and spending lots of time talking about our past actually helped, how come the problem is not resolved? You know what problem I am talking about. It is that feeling of feelings completely stuck and frustrated as to why you cannot change.

This is not my way of discounting therapy or counseling or even the impact of receiving a mental health diagnosis. Not quite. What I am shedding light on here is that whether we are turning to someone whose professional role is to provide us medical attention or to friends and family in our emotional overwhelm, we do that because we feel we can rely on them to help us feel better. And yet, I continue to hear folx fall through the cracks — they went to all whom they could seeking support in their change and no one made them feel cared for; trust with those around them became brittle, fragile and obselete. Sometimes that has financial implications. All times, it has spiritual, social and emotional consequences when all leaps of faith were taken and STILL that person did NOT feel cared for.

All in all, we do not go to family or friends, co-workers or even strangers in the community because we think they have the answers to if we should change or not, at what point or if it is even a good idea. We do not pay counselours or therapists for the talking time, or the prescription medication or even for a diagnosis. We go to these caretakers in society because we are looking to feel relief, to feel better, to realize that there is hope and we deserve to change from the inside-out. When we have that hope quashed when met with someone that doesn’t show they care, then what?

I want to challenge all of you following Grounds For Clarity’s work to listen to your gut and to open your heart and ears to others’ experiences whose roles aren’t tied to your expectations of their years of experience in the field or their diploma hanging in their offices. I want you to pay attention to your gut and to let it guide you to what you actually need. Be intentional and trust your instinct. So often, we set unrealistic expectations for those in caretaker roles such as General practitioners, nurses, mental health workers, counselours, therapists and psychiatrists thinking they have all the answers and know how to make us feel cared for. Truth is, they and all those in the scientific community are just as human as you are and are working to innovate the mental health field to ensure we can provide the service that will make you feel most cared for. Truth is, all of the folx in this caretaker role get burnt out, too and quite frankly, do not have all the answers. Finding a human being that cares truly is what we all are seeking and that emotional support outside of ourselves that you do deserve to feel better and someone does care for you.

A final question to challenge you with: Who will you go to once going to caretakers, friends and family is no longer enough for you and still that feeling of being uncared for comes back?'”

Ingrained with deep care and hope for all,

Kim Johnson
Thought Founder of Grounds For Clarity

 

 

 

 

Wednesday, February 5th, 2020

Fear

How our experiences actually are begging us to let them help us see that we
are blocking the picture.

We are standing in front of the projection painting a projection of what we think the projection is projecting.
The experiences accentuate the pain of the lesson yet to be had. We ignore the VERY THING that could release us from our own fleshly prison.

You want to paint the picture in a completely new way but then you go around and you tape the very mouths that you think SHOULDN’T be fed. The mouths of your fears. Why not look at feeding your fears in a completely whole new way? By LISTENING to them. Not REACTING to them. Instead…acting WITH them. Restraining yourself to instinctually go AGAINST them. LEAN into them. EMBRACE them. Maybe…just maybe…this world would be less fearful and more fearless.

-Kim Johnson
Thought Founder of Grounds For Clarity

Join me 1700 Pacific Standard time (USA west coast) as I breach a topic in which fear is rampant and keeps us disconnected from soul-connecting with one another and on a terrifying rapidly increasing rate is widening the global gap of spiritual symbiosis we have from one another’s collective brains, collective hearts and collective intuitions:

SUICIDE. Suicide is a community health problem and now is your opportunity to take the tape off of the mouths of your fears and let them be heard, to share what you really feel, believe, think and sense. We all can join together and instinctually EMBRACE our fears by direct, clear and honest collaborative, safe and confidential discussion and diverse expressions of how our fears of suicide have implications in serving those with thoughts of suicide, which is 100% of humanity. Here at Grounds For Clarity, you are SEEN, HEARD and BELIEVED.

https://zoom.us/j/521339624?pwd=IvBo_jsAYuw

1700 USA Pacific Standard Time — Thursday, February 6th, 2020

Invite as many as you’d like. If there are some of you that prefer facebook be the venue, please engage this post and I will consider changing it to fb so that those of you that miss it may come back later to join in.

Thank you for your dedication and encouragements to this movement.

With deep care and respect for all,

Grounds For Clarity’s Thought Founder, Kim Johnson

 

 

Sunday, February 2nd, 2020

This past week, I experienced ASIST (Applied Suicide Intervention Skills Training) for the second time and it was so unique from the first ASIST workshop I experienced. This second time, ASIST was part of my process to transition from a Suicide First Aid caregiver to becoming a Trainer for those willing and open to receiving ASIST training. It was inspiring to see folx from all over the country flying in to California. We even had an ASIST coach fly in from Florida to provide this opportunity for 25 of us. We all wore our egos on our sleeves to receive coaching on what it really takes and what it really means to be an ASIST trainer. The complex and unique aspect of talking about suicide is that we each have different attitudes toward it influenced by various things such as beliefs, feelings, interpretations and assumptions of suicide. There being so much stigma and taboo around the word suicide makes it difficult to bring it up as a general discussion. Folx in these classes are not superhuman, nor all clinicians. Actually, most people in the room, even when they are clinicians, are not required to be knowledgeable about suicide at all. Most important to recognize is that suicide is a part of being human; no one is immune to suicide. Despite our differences as human beings in various disciplines and careers, we were and are deeply self-aware that suicide is a part of being human.

Why am I sharing this? Two reasons: I want to make it very clear that we at Grounds For Clarity speak directly and openly about suicide and its founder does believe that there is hope even in the most darkest times. By normalizing suicide, it is not our intention to condone it — by normalizing it, we stand behind our mission and purpose to make it more transparent that anyone in any relationship with a person having thoughts of suicide, can provide suicide intervention. It is dangerous to have thoughts of suicide and we believe and have hope that it is possible to stay safe while having thoughts of suicide. My hope is to speak openly and directly and generate a movement en masse so others can come here and to feel safe to, also, learn how to speak openly and directly about suicide and how their attitudes can provide advantages and disadvantages in a having a talk and building a relationship with, if not already present, with a person having thoughts of suicide. Truth is, most people when having thoughts of suicide turn to caregivers, family members and friends, most of whom they want to trust and feel safe with.

If hearing the word brings up feelings of anger, thoughts of suicide, confusion, sensations on injustice and speechlessness, perhaps you may benefit from following this blog post and learning what steps you can take to become an even more effective community member in the world’s desperate need for powerful suicide intervention for all. Speaking openly and directly about suicide is something anyone and everyone can engage and participate in ASIST has instilled that spark and desire to be held accountable to my community the world over and I plan to share my journey to nurture change in how we speak about Suicide mental health. Do you feel inspired yet terrified of what people will think of you for being curious and wanting to learn more? That is completely normal and something you can take steps to embrace. Anyone in your shoes may feel the same way. Do you want to join Grounds For Clarity in its mission to work toward restoring hope and saving lives? Read on.

What is Grounds For Clarity’s role in the realm of suicide intervention? Our role is to provide safe-spaces across all its comprehensive services to be coached and supported on creating a flexible attitude so you may speak openly and directly with people in intense pain that very well may be experiencing thoughts of suicide. Of course this can seem an overwhelming invitation from Grounds For Clarity services, however, we believe everyone experiencing intense pain and may be having thoughts of suicide deserve the utmost care and respect while being guided to self-discover and reshape what hope for living may look like for them. If you find yourself having thoughts of suicide, have suicided or are experiencing a desire to just want it all to end and for the pain to just go away, know that you aren’t alone and that it is completely okay to not feel okay. If you are a person that whose life has been affected my suicide, you, too, are not alone. What could we learn from listening to one another? That everyone has and everyone can discover hope within themselves even in their darkest hour. Is any of this touching home for you? Then you have found the right place. You are very brave and are embarking on a journey to finally be heard, believed, respected and cared for and supported. Connect with me via Groundsforclarity@gmail.com to determine what service best fits your needs and desires and you will have taken your first step toward restoring and solidying hope in life.

Ingrained with deep care and respect for all,

Kim Johnson
Thought Founder of Grounds For Clarity

%d bloggers like this: