Category Archives: Emotional Management

EI = IE

Required reading for one of my assignments at iPEC© is “Energy Leadership” written by Bruce D. Schneider, the founder of iPEC© and creator of the Energy Leadership Index E.L.I.. In it, Bruce discusses with a client the power of EI = IE. EI stands for emotional intelligence and IE stands for interpersonal effectiveness. Spoiler alert: Bruce recounts coaching a CEO on how activating this formula keeps you true to your inner intuition, connecting you more deeply with your work and your peers.

In my work with my clients, I have seen much cyclical thoughts on rationalization and intellectualizing some obstacle between or among people and there is somewhat of a power struggle with achieving the best win/ win outcome for everyone. When in discussion, typical thoughts around button pushing and judgmental thoughts arise. A sense of entitlement comes up and a division between people, their wants and needs and idea of what should be happening and not what could be happening. Just like with Bruce, I ask questions that get you to see from the opposing person’s perspective. Questions you may stop and ask yourself are, “What makes me think that person feels that way?” or, “What might it look like if that person agreed with me?” In an ideal situation, we could always get along and always feel each other’s needs. But what work has not happened yet to arrive to such a win/win outcome? There are perhaps physical or internal stipulations in a situation that make a win/win non-negotiable, however, what is it that you value most in an interaction with one or more people? What is it that you seek as an outcome? How would it feel for you to feel heard, validated or acknowledged? What is your intuition telling you in your relationship with this other person?

Feeling mentally suffocated and emotionally drained in a relationship is something we are all familiar with to varying degrees and it is completely normal to want to throw in the towel, so to speak. What is it your heart is saying to you? How do you want to feel in this relationship with this person? How do you want the other person to feel in concert with how you feel? It is okay to feel stuck, it is okay to feel mad and if you have been feeling void of any of the aforementioned thoughts while in the heat of the moment, then it makes complete sense why you would feel extreme stress, anxiety, feelings of being emotionally drained and mentally taxed. Another book, which I carry with me at all times, is Stephen Covey’s “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” In it, Stephen discloses the key to harmonious relationships and the highest level of interpersonal effectiveness arises from transcendence of an outcome: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood®. “

What methods work for you when you are feeling completely wrung out in a relationship? If I may, as an energetic coach-to-be, ask what you envision for your relationship in the future? How might that look like? From what point of view do you look at your relationship from? Communication is essential in any relationship and exercising empathy is a way to complement your communication. Your thoughts influence how your perceive your reality. Energy attracts like energy. What are your options right now?

A habit that I am practicing twice daily is one I wish to share with you: think of three things that you are grateful for before you go to sleep. Sit in that and visualize those three things and be still. Breath in for five seconds, hold that breath, then breathe out for three seconds. Repeat three times and then go back to your regular breathing. Mindfulness, meditation, centering and being still have been scientifically proven time, and time again, to help diminish levels of anxiety, stress and illness. You’ve got this.

If this post resonated with you, share your thoughts below. If you feel you would like to learn more about EI = IE or you feel creating an action plan instead of feeling mentally suffocated and emotionally drained in a relationship is for you, I can help you here.

Button Pushing

I would like to share three things that I am grateful for, preceding my post:

  • Deep satisfaction from hearing, seeing, feeling, music emit from my Ukelele while I strum (I love the island strum)
  • The first taste of Winter’s navel orange (My favorite fruit)
  • The warmth of the sun on my skin

The planner I received from Best Self co., encourages me to list three things I am grateful for, once in the morning and once at night. Either that, or one thing and three reasons why I am grateful for that one thing. What it does, after consciously choosing to follow this routine, I feel more grounded. 🙂 What are three things you are grateful for? Adversely, what is one thing you are grateful for and three reasons why?

Button pushing. Something that happens with me a lot at my job. I currently work at Amazon LLC.. Disclaimer: Any opinions expressed herein are mine and mine alone, not Amazon’s. I do on occasion, linger in the fact that because of the fast-paced atmosphere at the sort center, the managers do not always have time to acknowledge, thank and validate our efforts, as Floor associates. I used to feel entitled to have a frustrated attitude. I thought, well, if they don’t appreciate me, then fine. So, I would stew. But, it took me a year of working there (…I am rounding up by a few weeks) to realize, it isn’t Amazon, it is me that allows myself to succumb to feeling unappreciated. It is a huuuuuge bonus to be given that vocal acknowledgment but I realized I couldn’t always allow that to get under my skin. Realistically, I was only hurting myself. When I feel my thundercloud (this is my gremlin — coaching terminology), I realize I have some choices to make. I could get upset and let myself stew, feel miserable and wait for managerial recognition. OR, I could stop, breathe and take a look at what is really going on. I guess I realized that it was pretty normal to feel bad from being underappreciated but why spend my energy feeling like a victim, when I could just find others ways to feel deep connectedness to work. My steps I use at work to navigate when I have my buttons pushed:

  1. Stop.
  2. Breathe.
  3. Opt for an outside perspective — Ask this question: What is really going on here?
  4. Sing, dance, speak with others and acknowledge their efforts.
  5. Receive appreciation, conversation and validation for my energy.

Easier said than done, but this truly works. Sometimes, when I sense I am off to a rough start, I even confide in someone, be it my partner, a co worker, my brother or my mom. I just am honest that I am not feeling it. Normalizing your emotions is a way to disenfranchise them from your steering wheel of how your day’s energy can roll out. I am human so, when things get incredibly challenging at Amazon, I choose to dance and sing. It always works for me. Preventing myself from thinking or saying things that end up fueling my metaphorical victim fire, does not lead anywhere well.

What do you do when your buttons are pushed and how come it works/ doesn’t work?

Endearingly yours,

Kim

Whom Can Be Helped With Life Coaching

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Anyone open to learning more about themselves is eligible for life coaching. More specifically, I help those experiencing evolving inner values to craft true-to-self, self-defined, and intentional  steps toward a quality of life beyond what they could’ve ever imagined for themselves, alone.

What brings you a sense of long-lasting, inner fulfillment? What kinds of things are you doing, daily, that contribute to attaining the lifestyle you sense will sweep you off your feet? We all want what brings us a sense of belonging, accomplishment and even some glory. But what is it that is really impinging self-defined success? How would you feel if I asked you, “What is the most important thing to you right now?”

In order to answer that question, gain some semblance of clarity about what your priorities are. Consider the following questions: What do you value the most? What are your beliefs? What do you think you care about?

There are 33 iPEC© Foundation Principles and I will share one here with you.

Note: iPEC is the coaching school I attended. Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching

“Nothing exists in isolation of anything else.”

How might you interpret this statement of truth, as we call it in iPEC©?

The way I see it, we all have 24 hours in a day. We each all share the same days, the same space. Everything is connected. Energy and matter exists throughout time and space. Now simplify that to individual entities within the universe. We are our own beings which could be subjected to influence or could command influence. At times we ‘carpe diem’ and other times we just drift. Of course, there is a continuum of our level of engagement in what we do or don’t do with our 24 hours in a day. This all goes back to what I asked previously, “What is the most important thing to you?”

When you begin to feel lost, what helps you find your home base?

In a free initial coaching session, the primary goal is to explore your wants and what is holding you back from reaching your true potential. To claim your free 30 minute coaching session, find me here.

To conclude this post, here are three things that I am grateful for:

  • Support from loved ones
  • The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd (currently reading)
  • Greens of plants bordering clear blue skies (my current view)

What are three things that you are grateful for?

Emotionally Spent

One of my favorite things to do is to watch videos of the diverse lives we all lead. I feel insodoing, I develop a deeper respect and appreciation for various avenues humans traverse in the face of adversity. We all respond, act, and react to adversity in different ways because we all have differing past experiences. I find it fascinating and totally normal to compare our lives to another’s for validation, perspective shift, or other. When we compare experiences, it helps us to cope with our own feelings toward circumstance — to feel reassured that we are not, in fact, alone. The fact of the matter is, we all go through good times and we all go through growing times. Adversely, we are all especially conscientious how to overcome our own adversities without drawing too much attention to ourselves or exploiting another’s life to feel better about our own. It makes complete sense that we wish to stay under the radar, to receive validation for it, but not broadcast and be overtly Broadway about it if we feel alone. To overcome such self-judgments, I turned to YouTube, primarily, as a way to gain insight into the many ways lifestyles are dictated by our choices in the face of adversity. Diversity is what ties us all together. We are all so different, which I find to be the most beautiful gift of all. I respect you and I want you to know that.

Even if we are left to our own coping devices, we find ourselves deeply down, sad, anxious, stressed and fatigued. What do we believe we need to address or resolve before successfully overcoming our obstacles?

Consider any or all questions below and dig deep:

What does it mean for you to be emotionally spent?

What feelings come up for you when you are emotionally spent?

What do you sense when you are emotionally spent?

In the meantime, give yourself mental space as an encouragement venue for taking time out of your day to consider what fuels your current emotional state. I challenge you to treat yourself as a champion of difference. You can support yourself, you can be who you choose to be and you are important. You are a strong individual and your experience speaks up and out the adversity which you are taking steps towards overcoming right now. You are right where you are supposed to be. Consider this: I am you and so, you are me. As one of my client’s says, we can draw from one another’s strengths and with that having been said, we have infinite potential for capacity and an unlimited knowledge base. There is more clarity in diversity.

In growing times, having additional support helps us to gain an additional layer in self-learning. Therapy and counseling can help us to work toward healing from our past. Life coaching doesn’t include therapy or counseling and is not a substitute for seeking clinical and professional support. With that having been said, in the event you are looking for a life coach, it is vital that you let them know that you are seeing a therapist, have seen a therapist and/ or are considering seeing one. In my case, I would expect to know at what point you may stand.

I divert to speaking on this topic to emphasize this will be my niche. I wish to provide learning opportunities and growth potential in personal development to those working toward healing from their past. It is okay and normal to be in counseling and therapy, and to want to work toward healing from past wounds. We all would like to be present so that we can feel calm, cool and collected enough to step forward out of our circles, our comfort zones, if you will. In addition, I want to help those currently coming into psychological counseling or therapy gain clarity and focus for creation of that first step out. Contact me here to learn more.

Here is a link to my first blog post. The post is about button pushing and ways you can manage your reactive state, pre, during, and post experience of when you have a growing moment. The steps I shared here is part of a toolkit that I teach you as a Life coach to be with a niche in personal development. This is a tool that I gained credit of iPEC and I wish to share it with you. Reaching out for support in growing times can be overwhelming and intimidating of a process. Feeling uncertain and unsure about how to manage one’s reactions is completely normal and anyone in your shoes would feel the same way. All of our learning opportunities occur on a case-by-case basis but if you do decide that taking the chance and applying this tool will work for you, then it will. I believe in you and I know you have it in you to conquer your growing moment. Self-care, creating boundaries and catching yourself in the heat of a learning opportunity takes practice and I know you can do this. You are worth it and you deserve clarity.