iPEC — Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching…is a game-changer for me. Everything I told myself I ever desired, ever, or expressed interest in..was within range for my personal viewing. I mean, this sounds like it would be a great place to be, right? Getting clarity on my desires, wants, dreams, wishes..If I could be honest with you, it was an extremely violating experience for me. I felt so raw, burnt, throttled, and in a place of absolute humiliation. Let me take you through my timeline so you can get a sense of the cumulative pain I experienced, I weathered, which bubbled to the surface with every grueling weekend with others training to become certified professional coaches.
NOTE: iPEC knowledge was spread across time among three Modules. Each module comprised three days and within each day, were about 7.5 hours of coaching learning.
July 2018: MODULE I Pain, pain and more pain. Head on a chopping block..No gain. I hated myself more than I already did. Was it really me I hated or was it something deeper? I have no idea at this point. I just felt miserable and in a state of mind of insatiable injustice.
October 2018: MODULE II I felt much more down-to-earth with my amount of emotional pain, the cycles of self-sabotage made so tangible to me since Module I. Being reminded of it no longer antagonized me to a state of mental exhaustion. I felt I was rubbing shoulders with my inner demons, inner messages…what held me back from what I wanted to pursue.
January 2019: MODULE III now I was facing my messages, my demons, my past, my lurking future. All of my past thoughts, beliefs, experiences, insecurities became physical, palpable and really what it boiled down to was my attitude. I used to believe there were cultural thresholds, financial statuses, ethnic limitations upon what attitudes were at my disposal to adopt. I didn’t feel allowed to certain attitudes. I am still processing this shift in mindset.
My takeaway? I missed out on life; life passed me by, and I was definitely feeling, “Shoulda, woulda, coulda,” when I noticed I adopted an attitude that really didn’t keep me moving forward in any way. These past experiences, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, feelings…blinded me from reaching out to opportunities to experiment, to dream and to enjoy even the little things. I previously did nothing about it because I was ABSOLUTELY unaware about my having a “problem.” That, my friends, is when I co-created my own self-fulfilling prophecy. Turns out, attitude withheld horizons, people, change, from me. My attitude kept jobs from me. My attitude kept dreams from me. My attitude pushed people away from me. My attitude had the potential to elevate others and also bring others to my level, even those that had no interest in being in the emotional rally what was my perception of my reality; I sucked people into my dark, and cold reality.
I am still learning and growing, from EVERYONE no matter their relation to me. Others are mirrors for my attitude. I love this lesson I gained from iPEC, from life, from others. Applying it, is a lifelong journey. Embodying change is and remains to be one of the most difficult decisions but also the most simple ever that I have decided to make. I want to live my life.
What is your thought about what I just shared?
What personality type is immune to the F.O.M.O. syndrome? None. As far as I can recollect, none. What area in your life do you believe you experience F.O.M.O.? Up until recently, I believed I experienced it primarily in my personal life always wondering if I was trying enough, doing enough, being enough. It turns out all of that F.O.M.O. I previously believed was isolated, wasn’t isolated at all…it bled into ALL aspects of my life. That. Is unsettling.
The opposite of F.O.M.O. is “settling.” I wonder, where in my life could I be settling instead of feeling like the grass is greener on the other side? What am I compromising if I were to pursue the lifestyle I believe to be settling? Something heavy I have been considering over the past four months or so is…is my personality fear-based? Do I constantly make decisions stemming from fear? Am I conscious of that? Are you? How much of your life is a rendition of a fear-based life? Scary thought..in which case maybe there is a new F.O.M.O., of the opposite and true life screaming at you to grab it. Basically what I am getting at here is what are you so afraid of either way?
Let’s press pause on this F.O.M.O. topic and speak of lighter things. Bring your focus to where you are right now. Take a look at your posture, shift your feet, look where your hands are, and feel where your heart is. Take a deep breath…and slowly…exhale…and breathe normally. Divert your attention to where you are carrying all of your tension, check in on your anxiety levels, acknowledge these things and allow them to just BE. Make a request to these tense and anxious forces in your body for just a few moments for yourself, to be calm, be still and to consider something what could be really beneficial for you. Now, imagine that 24 hours from now, something has changed in your environment, you are unsure what it is. Everything is in its order. You sense a different smell in the air electric. The day has just begun. The energy is bursting through you and what you felt in the past 24 hours no longer exists. What is it that you are feeling right now? How are you feeling toward what was causing the tension and anxiety in your body?
Please take your time and recognize your body in space and time as you come to. Take note of the feelings and ideas that may have come up for you.
Press play on the F.O.M.O. button. For those that may be new to the acronym, F.O.M.O. stands for Fear of Missing Out. Anxiety comes forth on the basis of an obsession with and constant partaking in updates of what everyone else is doing in their life. I just looked up a picture of a likely equal and opposite force and would like your take on it, as far as it concerns your personality:
J.O.M.O. stands for Joy of Missing Out. Ponder…What is the most important thing for you to feel RIGHT NOW?
We may have our personalities but at the end of the day, what defines our present is how much we allow our fear to hold us back from feeling emotions that we truly desire. Today, determine how you wish to feel and do not hold back. Find that inner calm and true joy so it feels like you are always doing something that you want to do. If you can, take those microsteps toward reaching for something you yearn to do so badly that the F.O.M.O. is apprehensive of you. Reach for J.O.M.O.. In the meantime, if any of this really spoke to you, I invite you to speak to me. I would love to hear your thoughts on what I had to say today.