My own F.O.M.O. in my coaching journey

iPEC — Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching…is a game-changer for me. Everything I told myself I ever desired, ever, or expressed interest in..was within range for my personal viewing. I mean, this sounds like it would be a great place to be, right? Getting clarity on my desires, wants, dreams, wishes..If I could be honest with you, it was an extremely violating experience for me. I felt so raw, burnt, throttled, and in a place of absolute humiliation. Let me take you through my timeline so you can get a sense of the cumulative pain I experienced, I weathered, which bubbled to the surface with every grueling weekend with others training to become certified professional coaches.

NOTE: iPEC knowledge was spread across time among three Modules. Each module comprised three days and within each day, were about 7.5 hours of coaching learning.

July 2018: MODULE I  Pain, pain and more pain. Head on a chopping block..No gain. I hated myself more than I already did. Was it really me I hated or was it something deeper? I have no idea at this point. I just felt miserable and in a state of mind of insatiable injustice.

October 2018: MODULE II I felt much more down-to-earth with my amount of emotional pain, the cycles of self-sabotage made so tangible to me since Module I. Being reminded of it no longer antagonized me to a state of mental exhaustion. I felt I was rubbing shoulders with my inner demons, inner messages…what held me back from what I wanted to pursue.

January 2019: MODULE III now I was facing my messages, my demons, my past, my lurking future. All of my past thoughts, beliefs, experiences, insecurities became physical, palpable and really what it boiled down to was my attitude. I used to believe there were cultural thresholds, financial statuses, ethnic limitations upon what attitudes were at my disposal to adopt. I didn’t feel allowed to certain attitudes. I am still processing this shift in mindset.

My takeaway? I missed out on life; life passed me by, and I was definitely feeling, “Shoulda, woulda, coulda,” when I noticed I adopted an attitude that really didn’t keep me moving forward in any way. These past experiences, beliefs, thoughts, emotions, feelings…blinded me from reaching out to opportunities to experiment, to dream and to enjoy even the little things. I previously did nothing about it because I was ABSOLUTELY unaware about my having a “problem.” That, my friends, is when I co-created my own self-fulfilling prophecy. Turns out, attitude withheld horizons, people, change, from me. My attitude kept jobs from me. My attitude kept dreams from me. My attitude pushed people away from me. My attitude had the potential to elevate others and also bring others to my level, even those that had no interest in being in the emotional rally what was my perception of my reality; I sucked people into my dark, and cold reality.

I am still learning and growing, from EVERYONE no matter their relation to me. Others are mirrors for my attitude. I love this lesson I gained from iPEC, from life, from others. Applying it, is a lifelong journey. Embodying change is and remains to be one of the most difficult decisions but also the most simple ever that I have decided to make. I want to live my life.

What is your thought about what I just shared?

Endearingly,

Kim