How releasing anger’s hold on me broke my heart…and showed me I wanted better for myself.

Growing up in my household, I quickly learned which emotions elicited which responses. I learned emotional manipulation. One particular emotion that always got me trouble was my anger. My anger was seen as a form of insubordination, seen as un-cute, unfounded and unnecessary. When I revealed even a speck of anger whether it was through shedding tears, screaming,Β  I was spanked, banished to my room, told to be quiet or told to leave the house if I didn’t like it. I did not see this kind of interaction at my friends’ houses. Even as the years went on, I saw no others going through what I did.

As I graduated from college, learned about gaslighting and that I was supposed to be competent now, holding down jobs, using my education and taking care of myself.Β  It took all I had to wonder if there were others out there like me that experienced emotional quandary. One of the major triggers for me was, “You are overreacting.”

I started to experience more crying spells, even during work, in my home, in conversations with my parents and them pretty much not recollecting nor feeling they inflicted much damage with their methods.

My parents worked to put a roof over my head, and food on the table. My emotional quandary really wasn’t that much of a priority now.

Here I am sharing this all with you to tell you that before becoming aware of my anger, that it dawned on me how it was actually keeping me back from pursuing things in a way that encompassed everyone.

I wonder whatΒ  must that feel like, to feel trapped in our own toxic feelings..?

Author

pikjohnson@ucdavis.edu
I want this to be a safe space to share my goings-on while I dig deep into my journey of self-discovery. What brings me to my desire to share my journey? I wish to provide life-coaching services to others. I coach to help others uncover what it is that is holding them back from accomplishing what is dearest in their hearts, spirit and minds. I am currently a student at iPEC, Institute of Professional Excellence in coaching. I am determined to disseminate my coaching services to all those interested. While I coach, I also would like to share bits and pieces of what it is that I do as a life coach-to-be and inversely, what I do not do. I am an imagineer, at your service. That is the best way I can describe a life coach to you. As a life coach-to-be, I can teach you how to think outside the box, consider alternative perspectives and reflect on what influences your thoughts. If any of this sounds like something you are experiencing, what is stopping you from moving forward? A space to message me may be found on the middle menu option on my home page. I acknowledge, appreciate and embody gratitude for each and every one of you and the struggles which you endeavour each and every moment. No one is a stranger to adversity. We can all overcome adversity because of our combined diversity. Thank you for contributing your time into our growing and collective, worldly diversity. Endearingly yours, Kim

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