My Life Before Ambition

Before I discovered my ambition, I lived a pretty simple and by society’s “standards” successful life. I had completed an Undergraduate education, I had steady access to good-paying jobs with decent benefits and I was able to buy everything I needed. I could save up for rainy days. Maybe even buy a brand new car if I wanted to or have an ambitious vacation. I was able to see and visit friends and family during planned vacations and it was a stable lifestyle. It was safe.

Plot twist: One day I woke up and something in my reality shifted. I was not really impassioned about anyone or anything. I was just going through the motions. Rinse, lather, repeat. What was I doing? I realized that I was not satisfied and I felt completely un-grounded in spite of all the predictability of my life. In fact, I was miserable and with each passing day I became more and more embittered and angry because nothing was changing. Colleagues kept talking about how smart and disciplined I was and questioned why I was in each of my jobs. I started to believe them. Their questions struck cords for me I didn’t even realize were there. The reverberating message was enough was no longer enough anymore. Playing life safe? I began to believe others and that small voice inside my head that felt I had so much potential and yet this is all my life amounted to: predictability and stability. Thing is, I knew I was cut out for more and yet..I had no idea where to even begin. I choked up and couldn’t decide. My life was all about obedience and a lifestyle cut from a completely different cloth of choice and being called to such a life was like telling a person that is not in the slightest bit muscular to go to a 300 lb benchpress at the gym. Basically, I was not built for this life. But I craved it nonetheless.

I vividly remember tossing and turning at night only then to wake up to exactly what I had hoped wasn’t true: 1) I wanted to walk out on my jobs. 2) I felt like all of my relationships failed because of me. 3) I had no dreams or ambitions and 4) My life amounted to just this because I…was an overly obedient, people-pleasing, overly self-conscious, low-achieving, post-undergrad loser. So, after 6 1/2 years of feeling all of these things almost every single day I finally decided enough was no longer enough. If I wasn’t cut from the cloth of agency, I would learn how to take control of my life even if it was the last thing I ever did.

Are you ready?

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I began to research different educational outlets and to see what other less ‘cookie-cutter’ jobs I could get in the meantime that would actually allow me to be my best and most creative self. I began my search for purpose. At the time, my self-loathing was at an all-time high and I was very depressed, down and felt like everyone was out to get me and no one gave a shit about me. I woke up feeling sad, lonely and really was beginning to hate my life and at all points, myself. I was wishy-washy and paralyzed and then other times motivated with no action and no change. But then, I dove into psychology and found the content to be absolutely fascinating. It allowed me to look at myself and others objectively. It granted me peace of mind knowing even if I believed my reality was what it was, it certainly didn’t have to stay that way. This was my catalyst and spark for my persistence to retire my “enough” life.

I took a leap of faith: I reached out to a neighbor about becoming a psychologist (whom was a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist — LMFT) and then after some tough discussion about school being not my favorite thing in the world, she suggested Life coaching. That was late 2017. Fast forward to now, I am an iPEC certified, and ICF accredited Certified Professional Life Coach and I devote my time and energy into educating others on how to break through their glass ceilings and own that enough is no longer enough. I get people from all walks of life to take actionable steps toward lives they’d only ever fantasized about through a screen. I catalyze people just like you to stop being indecisive and to choose yourself first and take your first steps into a lifestyle you will be proud of! Lead with your creative self and build that life you look forward to from the moment you wake up to the moment your head hits the pillow. Are you ready to live a life of purpose?

 

Author

pikjohnson@ucdavis.edu
I want this to be a safe space to share my goings-on while I dig deep into my journey of self-discovery. What brings me to my desire to share my journey? I wish to provide life-coaching services to others. I coach to help others uncover what it is that is holding them back from accomplishing what is dearest in their hearts, spirit and minds. I am currently a student at iPEC, Institute of Professional Excellence in coaching. I am determined to disseminate my coaching services to all those interested. While I coach, I also would like to share bits and pieces of what it is that I do as a life coach-to-be and inversely, what I do not do. I am an imagineer, at your service. That is the best way I can describe a life coach to you. As a life coach-to-be, I can teach you how to think outside the box, consider alternative perspectives and reflect on what influences your thoughts. If any of this sounds like something you are experiencing, what is stopping you from moving forward? A space to message me may be found on the middle menu option on my home page. I acknowledge, appreciate and embody gratitude for each and every one of you and the struggles which you endeavour each and every moment. No one is a stranger to adversity. We can all overcome adversity because of our combined diversity. Thank you for contributing your time into our growing and collective, worldly diversity. Endearingly yours, Kim

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