Is it my fault I feel bad in my relationships? Why do I feel bad?

Hi there. Today is a day like no other because it is its own day. Maybe you are feeling not so great today, maybe, you do not feel, maybe you just are human and that’s that. There is no judgment here. I can appreciate any preference for how to convey feelings. I am here today to speak on how to confront “bad” feelings in relationships. For my posts, when I write about relationships, I am not restricting the context of relationships to to partnerships regarding romance. When I write, relationship is defined as any human to human interaction independent of title, setting, duration or reason for the interaction.

I am going to get real focused, real quick. I challenge you to do the same. Think of ONE relationship, and a single instance in that relationship. Visualize it all in its entirety. Please focus on just that setting and the instance, not the past or potential future interactions…take a minute. I want you to relive the moment, the pain and potential suffering. Let the extraneous details melt away…accept the details of the environment, they now melt away. Consider the feel of the floor, the smell are the area, regard the clothes being worn, if you were hungry, if it was that time of the month, if it was through a device that this interaction took place…let the outlet of social media melt away, and finally, let the face of the other person melt away and now, all that is left, is you. Consider your body, your reflection, you….and let that also melt away…let all of the visual go away. What is left? Your thoughts, feelings…emotions, beliefs, behaviors. Now…marinate in all of these for a minute.

I would like you to do some final things for me before we get to the “bad” feelings..accept the thoughts, accept the feelings, emotions and behaviors….let them melt away. What is left now are the beliefs. What moved your spirit to respond emotionally the way you did? Get down deep, and dirty and messy. What happened in the past which is the grandmother or grandfather of all future instances…that would then trigger the EXACT same emotions, feelings, and thoughts you felt from memory 0?

Please consider deeply what happened in the past that created this belief. All of our thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviors..the bad feelings that come up from soured interactions, can derive and do derive from some bitterly held on to negative, heavy, dark, or “bad” blood and feelings residual from a past event. Answer me this, what is it costing you in your current relationship? Consider the present gain or future pains, current pains, future gains, depending upon your course of action. The way I see it, you have only a small handful of options when it comes to your interactions. You can: remain a victim, leave, accept, change it, change your point of view.

 

One of the foundation principles, or philosophical reaches of the coaching school I went to iPEC is:

Pain is inevitable, suffering, is optional.

What do you think about the quote I just shared?

 

Loyally yours,

Kim

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