Dear Cherished Devotees, followers, friends, raving fans and spiritual torchbearers of your unique life story:
I have been thinking of people lately and one in particular. I really want to paint this person for you. A person that some of you may know. Here goes..
2013-2018. America. There is a person that goes to the same kinds of jobs, doing what feels like the same thing every day. All jobs yield the same result: nothing. They occupy themselves with the same people every day, and repeats the same story to you day in and day out. That person that never asks for help…that always seems to feel dissatisfied with activities in their life. Always the bearer of bad vibes, sour news, the past….Down, sad, stuck, irritable and just not all that interested in doing much of anything new or speaking of trying something different. They respond in neutral tones when posed an option to try new things. They are highly opinionated and scrutinize every single thing everyone else does or says, but never make comments about themselves. Everything carries no flavour or meaning and nothing is enjoyable anymore. What really sounds good to them is to just proceed to do whatever they want. In reality, they withdraw from others their true thoughts on the matter –they really don’t know what else better to do nor what they want…and rather cunningly, avoid or procrastinate changing anything about their situation because, truth be told, where to start? They are lonely, and have no deep emotional connections with anyone around them because they pushed everyone away. In addition to this, they sabotage any relation at the slightest sign of a positive, emotional interaction. They confess in solitude and perhaps with some people, jokingly, that they are depressed or unhappy in some way, but fuck it. Whatever..that’s just how life is…something is missing in the days gone by, but whatever…there is no where to even start anyway and everyone else is doing the same thing, too. It is normal to feel dissatisfied. It is they who believes no one cares about them anyway. Why try when no one seems to care? NO ONE will understand me….
What do you believe about this person? What hopes might there be for a person such as the one I painted above? How many of you believe this person needs to seek professional help? Maybe some of you feel medication could be of function to them. Some of you maybe have walked away from a person such as one that is of the likes above. Perhaps, there are people that somewhat match this and are very closeted in their pain and just have no one to talk to. How many of you sense that the person described above may struggle so heavily because they have no one to trust or confide in. What then? What is the point of me painting a person such as this?
I am going to be 100% honest with you. The person I just described is me.
For the longest time, I was the social butterfly, I materialized friends from any personality type and was able to ‘adult.’ I had steady income, I took some odd-end jobs to flesh out my resume. I visited the dentist once a year and I got along with friends and family, hosted parties, took language courses, had a Bachelor’s degree..In spite of what my friends and family saw, since 2013, I had struggled with all of the signs and symptoms of chronic sadness and depression and I coerced myself into doing it alone. It was hard to face the reality that I wasn’t actually alone. I just was so successfully as sabotaging my relationships and connections with the world that I didn’t know how to jump back into life. When I turned 23 in 2013 I believed there was something wrong with me. I felt like I had no true friends, truth be told I had no ambitions, no dreams, no skills, and I just irked at the thought of, “taking care of myself.” I thought maybe I should just do what “everyone” does. But life became more and more unbearable until finally, I decided enough was enough. What is something, an action, I couldn’t go a day without doing…I thought and I thought and I thought…like Winnie-the-Pooh does when he gets stuck, “Think, think think…think.” I realized the only time I felt anything other than apathy was when I served others. I thought to myself, this is a start. I felt a small spark of life, finally. I discovered that if I wasn’t doing something to impact someone’s sense of well-being in a positive way, then I may as well stay asleep. So, I decided to give myself structure. It took trial and error, years of research and many, many, many jobs, friendships and relationships later, to realize the person before you today.
Today I am pursuing what I want to do on a more grand scale and as my livelihood. I aid my fellow humans in co-creating a 3 month action plan to divide and conquer their chronic sadness and depression taking that first step toward choosing live happy. Who do you know that aids fellows humans in co-creating a 3 month action plan to divide and conquer their chronic sadness and depression taking that first step toward choosing to live happy?
Being chronically sad and depressed is not a crime. And there is nothing wrong with being or feeling these things. Reframe and think from the point of view of what choices are available right now. Choose self-respect and the rest is muscle-memory. This is not for the faint-hearted. But I guarantee that the person that does feel ready to step up to the task, and is 100% open and committed to changing their life, will never look at themselves the same again.
Loyally by your side,